The most traumatic experience to the doc's office I've ever had.

Without having to give all of the not so pretty details that led up to my doctors visit yesterday evening-I'll just say that I would have attributed it to a stomach virus since both Mike (Lorraine's hubbie) and I were feeling pretty much the same. Mike was a day ahead of me. Well L asked Adam to take Mike to the doctor and shortly after one of my many stomach spasms she insisted I go as well. So she called up Adam who had to come rescue me plastic grocery "barf bag" and all. I decided that I would wait it out in the car to see what the cause of Mike's illness was to see if it was worth checking in for. You can imagine my surprise when Adam tapped on my window and repeated the diagnosis. Food poisoning. "What the fuck? Food poisoning? There's no way! Off of what?" Vegetables. Yes somehow the doctor had concluded it was the leftover cucumber and carrot that was re-heated with all of the butter that was leftover that had caused this food poisoning. That is just the most cock-a-many diagnosis is what I thought and what I still think. In any case I decided to go into the office and go into the room that Mike was in. Biggest mistake ever. EVER. EVER. He had an IV going and the doctor came in to extract blood for a blood sample which I found out that Mike was not to keen on needles and being prodded by them. It was then that the doctor took a look at me and announced that I looked very weak. Thank you captain obvious....He instructed me to stick out my tongue and then concluded that I was dehydrated and asked Judy to take me into triage and then to get a bed. Did the usual doc check in procedures and gloomily went into the room waiting for the inevitable discomfort that was to come.

Now, I am by no means afraid of needles. I do however have what doctors refer to as "weak/bad veins". It almost ALWAYS takes at LEAST three times before a needle or IV will actually stay in place and this is of course after the doctor has shoved it in and then has had to use his fingers to wiggle into place. Not comfortable. The wiggling around and adjusting of the needle is more ghastly to me then being pricked by the fucking thing. Especially since I really don't like people touching my pressure points.

I decide I want to make a bet with the doctor and Adam about how many times this was going to take. The doctor being ever to sure of himself concludes that it'll only take one attempt. He also made some other comment about how he had one person with good veins afraid of needles and another who wasn't afraid but had very bad veins. I offered up the vein that runs across my wrist and thumb as an option-I can almost always just squeeze the ball and have great success there but he wouldn't hear of it.

Right arm-normal IV place-no go.
Right arm- forearm IV-no go.

"Told you"

At what point should I mention that he has yet to swab me with alcohol before poking me?

Then he taps on my neck and instructs me to look the other way. "WHHHHHHHAT THE FUCK? HELL NO. HELL NO. YOU ARE NOT STICKING THAT NEEDLE IN MY NECK. YOU'RE NUTS. NO NO NO NO NO." Of course Adam comes in the room and sees what is going on and makes some comment about how having things stuck in your neck is all the rage right now and I'll have a story to tell later. This is complete bullshit.

The neck is one of the most sensitive parts of the body-especially mine. And he wants to shove an IV needle in it and tell me to just relax? While I have an IV needle..in my neck...for the duration of the time that I am to be there getting fluids? This is just fucking bullshit.

So as you can guess. This was also a no go. All that squealing like a pig to a slaughterhouse for nothing. Oh except for a burning sensation when he THOUGHT the needle was in place.

Left arm-normal place-no go
left arm-normal place but a little bit more to the left and it's a go. FINALLY.

I'm still bitching about my neck. It hurts. And I mean it really really really hurts. So he did make it better by giving me some pain medication through the IV. And nausea medicine. The only thing I can bash him about here is that he thought he had put one in first and the other second. He basically screwed up the order of the meds. I know the difference. He even talked me through it. I think he needs glasses.

I slept well last night. Woke up this morning feeling as if I was on a different planet and haven't been able to shake the feeling all day. It hurts to swallow and it hurts to turn my neck a certain way but I'm sure my body is either fighting whatever was leftover or just in shock from such a traumatic experience for me.

I find out later that this doctor is used to working in the ER.

No fucking wonder.

Oh and did I mention he lives across the street?